Goal Setting Exhaustion; overwhelming weariness when someone says you can create a unicorn-farting-glitter-and-rainbows-life using trite techniques (you know, the write it and you’ll receive it, see it and you’ll be it, blab it and grab it group).
If the above were really true, let me ask you this:
Be positive; if this were true why are there so many successful assholes? (to upgrade this, see step #1 below)
Write it down; if this were true, why would any business with a plan go belly up? (step #2 below will help)
See it the way you want it; if this were true, why are you looking at the same old results (you’ve caught on, you already know I’m going to direct you to #3 below)
The above suggestions have their place, but in turning your dreams-into-reality, all they really do is create frustration and more of that four letter word: quit.
Internally you’re a sophisticated system that will not produce peak performance unless you have insight into why you do what you do, create impact actions through risk resilience and then, internal influence through sustainable success.
These 3 Steps are just the beginning to creating what you want, but they will give you a firm foundation for results, both right away and long term.
#1 Who do you need to be to create what you want AKA why assholes can be high achievers
Identity Focus: unification of internal resources for a specific external result. Emotional optimization: understanding all emotions, both positive and negative, are energy sources to tap. Implement for impact: actions must be consistent with and for the end result.
Out of these 3, emotional optimization seems to be the weakest link for most people.
That jerk, which has the life or at least part of it that you want to live…maybe they’ve learned to pervert compassion into being a cutthroat or good will into greed or a rising tide lifts all ships into I’m jaws and you look like a tuna…
In other words, they’ve learned to flip the switch on their feelings to move from under-utilization into peak performance (hey, if you’re gonna be a jerk, at least be the best you can be).
How much better would the world be if you started doing the same thing (you are going to use your special powers for good, right?). Or you can get really sad over your unmet goals, dashed dreams and hey, is that a shark fin?
#2 Risk resilience or what to do when the shit hits the fan
Go ahead, write out that vision you have: losing the weight, getting organized (if you have small kids, maybe you should wait on this-just sayin’), making better financial decisions, improving your relationships and designing your dream lifestyle (according to research, these are the top 5 goals).
Then you can write out all the things you’re going to do to make it happen:
Getting up early to go to the gym
Buying those cute organization totes that everyone in the family is going to love to use
Filling the kitchen cabinets with healthy food while cutting back on the number of times you eat out (hey, that will help with the weight too-and now you’re feeling like you’re really a winner-where’s the sprinkles!)
Designing a weekly date night or family night or (if you’re a masochist, I mean a really high achiever-both) to reignite those relationships
AND maybe you’ll go back to school for that needed promotion degree or you’ll start a side business that will make the money that will set you free
BUT (you knew this was coming)
After just a few days of getting up at 3am to work out, you’re realizing that falling asleep at 7 in the evening and leaving the kids to run the house is like letting the inmates run the asylum. AND you would explain to everyone how those cute totes work, but you’ve been so tired, so they’re just adding more clutter to the catch all kitchen table. AND now you’ve had to work late, AND there’s nothing at home that anyone will eat, AND even if they did, you can’t find the kitchen table so you might as well eat out.
There you are in the drive through, really tired, listening to the internal itty-bitty-shitty-committee rag on you about another failed dream when your significant other leans over and whispers (do I detect a hint of sarcasm or is that just the aroma of fast food): Happy Date Night.
Do I need to even bring up that side hustle?
Welcome to your world. Go ahead, close your eyes, chant your affirmations, and see a beautiful place filled with hearts and stars and horseshoes that are magically…wait, that’s a cereal commercial.
The point is, when you open your eyes the challenges are still going to be there because you’re supposed to become a better you by moving through them!
To do that, you’re going to need to plan for the shit fan and how you’re going to keep moving forward when everything tells you to stop. Now you know why you needed to optimize your emotions…
#3 From Breakthrough into Sustainable
Breakthroughs are incredible in the way they can give you insight into why you keep holding yourself back. And it’s all you need, many times, if you are learning to let something go of a dysfunctional habit or pattern. But it will fail you when you need to keep going towards your dreams.
Need to let go of that; fear of flying, smoking cigarettes, fear of public speaking, diet soda, you get the idea? Then a breakthrough will bring you rapid results. Discover how that coping mechanism has been meeting your needs, how you can get those same needs met with something healthier and you’ve got your goal! I’ve assisted thousands of people this way using hypnosis.
But if you need to keep the coping mechanism in your life to get your dream (think money, relationships, food), a breakthrough is not sustainable.
For lasting success you’ll need to develop a healthier relationship first with you (see #1), and then with your obstacles (see #2). From there, you’ll feel stronger in setting up the boundaries that bring you out at your best…
She wasn’t going to let go of the weight until we understood it was protecting her from emotional hurt. First we worked on her strength (physical and emotional), then we turned her triggers of I-need-to-eat-to-protect into I-need-to-take-a-dream-risk-for-progress. We planned on how to turn setbacks into insight for success moves with all of it culminating in how she really wanted to define herself (and it wasn’t by a scale).
She wanted to be a tops sales person inside her company, but kept hiding behind her extreme sadness (some would call it depression, but you now need a medical degree to call it that because they’ve deemed that word a diagnosis code and, to put it plainly, if I’m cutting in on their income, they will punish me for the words I use so I have to watch it). But it really wasn’t the sales, it was the position. She’s a leader and her sadness was a way to turn down her light so others wouldn’t feel bad about themselves and their own lack of self-direction. So we had to move her into a position where her light was really needed, put together a plan for power outages as well as what would happen when she didn’t pay her light bill (aka self-care). The quality of her life is now defined by how she lights up the lives of others in the way she chooses with whom she chooses.
Then there was a guy who after 17 years in business, was going under. His reason; all of his previous clients in his words, were assholes. Hmmm, said in my best Yoda voice, victim acting are we. Stupid fix not my special power.
They say only 3% will read an article of this length and 97% will scan until they’re required to think. There are 3% in any area of life that are known as peak performers. And the 97%; they’ve move on to something easier, like chanting an affirmation or cutting out pretty magazine pictures for their vision board.
But then I’m not writing for the mediocre masses, I’m coaching YOU.
Time for you to move from goal setting exhaustion into dreams into reality. I expect nothing less from you or for you.